Trading carrots for chocolate pudding since 2012.
When it comes to hot chicks, Kate Upton is the end-all, be-all as far as I’m concerned. You can argue until you’re blue in the balls…it doesn’t matter. Not only does she have the hottest swimsuit cover since Tyra Banks circa 1997 before she went bat shit crazy, but she also has hips that make Shakira look like a white kid at prom. Case in point…
:00: Boobs a jigglin’. This video starts off swimmingly as Upton plays with her top, the dude throws a thumbs up and quickly exits the scene while Upton just stands there in all of her glory waiting for the music to start.
:06: A little bit of an awkward dance here, but the six-second mark is where I pinpointed the first twinge in my pants.
:11: Full on stiffy. The beat picks up and Upton goes into freak mode. I had never heard of the Cat Daddy until this temptress ruined all other women for me and I’m still not quite sure I know what it is, but needless to say, work was relatively unproductive today. For the next 10 seconds just shut your mouth, unzip your pants, and let nature run its course. If you’re anything like me, you’ll have time to clean up your mess and grab lunch by the :21 mark.
:21: “That’s all you guys get.” Think again bitch. TerryTV flips the switch, beats the rewind button with a fucking hammer and allows me to abort another full load of semen before the wife gets home via slow-motion instant replay.
:46: After Upton lays down the law, the crew gives a quick half-hearted protest but ultimately hangs their hat on the best video of the year so far…balls in your court Kardashian sisters.
SIDENOTE: I was convinced the only reason this dance is so sexy is because of the performer, but I decided to give the “choreographers” the benefit of the doubt so I looked up other Cat Daddy performances. Suspicions confirmed…