Trading carrots for chocolate pudding since 2012.

When MTV Played Videos: The Safety Dance

I’m taking the reins on this one since the Yeti is either in hibernation or too busy dealing with a hangover while trying to teach our country’s youth. Regardless, you have me to thank for this wonderful gem.

As far as I’m concerned, the appearance of a midget in “The Safety Dance” video immediately makes any music video 100 times better. And a midget in a jester costume? Well, that’s just priceless.

I’ve watched it four or five times, and I’m still trying to figure out exactly what the hell is going on “The Safety Dance” video. From what I gather, we’re dealing with a medieval time period where a pied-piper type is trying to get everybody to dance?

No? Screw it then… I give up.

Highlights of “The Safety Dance” Video

30-second mark: We get the first appearance of the blonde crack whore… commonly known as a crack wench back in medieval times. Clearly this bitch is high as a kite. You’re freaking me out, lady!

:56-second mark: Where the hell did that dog come from?

1:03 mark: Something strange is going on here, I’m just not sure what. The singer is making all these weird faces like he’s struggling to take a dunp, but to no avail. From everything I’ve read, dysentery was a major problem back in the medieval days, so constipation seems questionable. At second glance, he might actually be squatting on a shitter during this segment. Another question: why do you have to look at your hands when you dance? That seems counter-productive to me.

I’m also a HUGE fan of “The Safety Dance,” where you sporadically throw your arms out to make an “S.” I might just start going around doing the safety dance in public places to see what kind of a reaction I’ll get. Think people will follow me in parade style? I can only hope!

Midgets + crack wenches + constipation = successful music video. Yup, Men Without Hats nailed this one on the head, with “The Safety Dance” video.

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When MTV Played Videos - 6.15.12

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