Trading carrots for chocolate pudding since 2012.

5 Ways to Impress a Woman Without Breaking the Bank

Guys, here’s a tip: Date night doesn’t have to suck — or suck your bank account dry.With a little luck and a modicum of creativity, these virtually idiot-proof tips can impress a woman and sweep your significant other off her feet, thus improving life for both of you.

We’ve come up with several ways for you to get her to raise an eyebrow, wondering what other surprises she doesn’t know about you, all while keeping your wallet closed.

1. Impress a woman with some beach, somewhere.

Stick a six-/12/18-pack of Corona in the ice chest with a foot-long Subway/Togo’s sammich, grab a football/Frisbee and hit the coast.

Love life down for the count?

Love life down for the count?


  • Beer.
  • Chilling on a warm sandy beach.
  • Napping.
  • Relaxing waves to help you sleep by.
  • Getting rid of that farmer’s tan you’ve been rockin’ for way too long.
  • If the weather is right, there’s sure to be bikini-clad eye candy.
  • Your girl will think you’re a romantic genius with smoother moves than Casanova — mostly because it’s the beach and the beach makes it easy to look cool.


  • Getting caught in a freak hurricane.
  • A seagull mistaking your head for a poop receptacle.
  • Getting a sunburn.
  • Getting a sunburn in the shape of this dude.
  • Or this dude.
  • Meh, who am I kidding, it’s the beach — there are no cons! … Unless you despise the thought of sand touching your person, in which case I wish you and the bubble you live in all the best.

2. Surprise her.

No Cats Were Harmed in the Making of This BlogGirls love surprises. One of my most memorable came in the form of someone leaving “I Love You, Man” and a note in the bed of my pickup, while I was at work. (He texted me after he left to make sure I found it, which was also smart.)

The guy ended up being a total dud, but I still have to give him major props for that one.

Just think back to some movie you vaguely remember her liking or mentioning that she wanted to see …

If you feel really festive, slap a bow on that sucker, otherwise, just stash it somewhere she’ll eventually find it (fridge, sock drawer, dishwasher, next to car keys, under sweatshirt, etc.) and a note to watch it later.

Added bonus if you find the movie she wants in the $5 bin at Walmart.

3. Get some fresh air.

Impress a woman? No. Impress everyone else? Yes!

Eating a huge burger will definitely (not) impress a woman.

If you’re feeling adventurous, go for a hike. Nothing bonds a couple like sweat.

In the words of the ever eloquent Brian Fantanta, “They’ve done studies, you know … Sixty percent of the time it works — every time.”

What you’ll need: Two Rockstars for the drive up, a bag of Trail Mix, bottled water so you don’t drop dead of dehydration.

I recommend either packing a sandwich for after the hike or finding the biggest bacon-y burger within driving distance to replace the calories you just burned off.

It’s your call.

Go bacon, though. Trust me.

If you’re not feeling up to the challenge due to the rager you pulled the night before, a park will also suffice. Eat food, enjoy the sunshine, walk around, throw rocks at ducks and be generally obnoxious — and don’t forget a picnic blanket.


4. Cook something — anything.

Guy Fieri, Impress a WomanThis can include a turkey sandwich, throwing lettuce in a bowl with a nice drizzle of dressing (for both your sakes, I recommend washing it first), microwaving a chimichanga (top it with a slice of cheese and a spoonful of salsa if you really want to knock her socks off), bust out the barbecue.

Or if you want to play foodie for a day, buy sliced cheese, crackers and hummus — it’s really not as gross as you might think — and a bottle of two-buck chuck.

She’ll think you’re civilized. A scholar and a gentleman, if you get my drift.

If you really want to impress a woman, and have her eating out of the palm of your hand, find a cookbook and give a recipe a whirl — but only if there is minimal risk of you burning the house down, because that would completely ruin the effect.

5. Go thrift shopping

… at the thrift shop down the road.

Not only does this give you a valid excuse to listen to Macklemore, but you literally never know what hidden and otherwise creepy gem you might stumble upon.

Other options include:

  • Dusting off your bikes and going for a spin.
  • Hitting up a farmers market.
  • Checking out a new coffee shop.
  • Catching a live show by a random and virtually unknown musician. You could stumble upon someone surprisingly cool and, at the very least, you’ll have plenty of ammunition for merciless mocking.
  • Going to an open mic night.
  • Taking a road trip. It could be the coast or a mountain town that could serve as inspiration for a horror movie. The road is your oyster.
  • Making a pizza. Seriously, who doesn’t like pizza?
  • Have a Redbox movie night.

Bottom line, girls love a plan. However, that doesn’t necessarily equate to a hefty price tag. Now get out there, try to impress a woman and strut your stuff.

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70-Year-Old Virgin? Yes, please!

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