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Consider My Gears Grinded: Visiting France

I’d like to preface my blogging by saying that I am in no way a writer. In fact, in my group of friends I am probably the least educated and closest to illiterate. The shamefulness of this is compounded by the fact that one of my friends wears nothing but pants with cargo pockets and another may have too many chromosomes. But not too long ago, a Facebook friend was visiting France, and decided to talk about it.

TheWayIsHere invited me to blog on this site because he knows I am incredibly opinionated, and everything pisses me off. This isn’t to say that I get offended by things however, because people who get offended by shit really piss me off. So with that being said — here goes …

Facebook Friend: Visiting Paris!

Below are recent status updates that have shown up on my Facebook newsfeed that subsequently resulted in an immediate “unfriending.” While I have a laundry list a mile long of things that piss me off, people visiting France or other foreign countries, and then brag about how it changed their lives, and begin using the language of said country are pretty close to the top.

… There is a patisserie on every corner, and they all have these coffee eclairs, which are to die for that you cannot find in the U.S.! *

… The cemeteries here are so gorgeous. Today, I visited the graves of Oscar Wilde, Chopin, and Proust — and for those of you who like The Doors, I checked out Jim Morrison’s grave too. **

… The art that I have seen here has literally changed my life, it’s so emotional and so real. I was able to see Renoir and Monet’s original paintings, and I went to a Degas exhibit that displayed his original sketches and amateur paintings. ***

Au Revoir for now! 🙂

A few notes:

*  I have no idea what a “patisserie” is, but I’m assuming it’s a shop where you can register as a pussy and grab a pastry on your way out.

* Oh, the art is so emotional and real! OH, this pile of shit on the wall has LITERALLY changed my life! Really?

The Mona Lisa completely changed the way you live your life? Fuck you. Only one thing from France has ever “literally” changed my life, and that’s French Toast, and to be honest I’m starting to think the name has been misleading me all of my life. I’ll give it the benefit for the doubt though because it’s great.

There are three main sweet breakfast dishes: pancakes, waffles, and French Toast. Pancakes are a classic and obviously delicious; Waffles are pretty good, but you need a special machine to make them and as good as the holes are for holding syrup, it makes them a pain in the ass to butter so I almost never eat them. And French Toast is life changing.

There comes a point in your life when your mom decides it’s time to quit being a bitch and she introduces you to French Toast.

At this point you’ll never again be wholly satisfied with pancakes.

Pancakes will forever be good, and you will certainly enjoy eating them, but in the back of your head you will be thinking about how much better egg-soaked bread would be.

** Spending a week in France gives you a grasp of their language about as much as making mac and cheese makes you a chef.

*** You want to visit an awesome cemetery?  Why would you go visiting France when the most inspiring cemetery in the world is right here on the east coast? It’s called Arlington National Cemetery and everyone in it would beat the shit out of Oscar Wilde and Jim Morrison!

Related posts:

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Beware The Crazy Old Man

One Comment on “Consider My Gears Grinded: Visiting France

  1. mommyhatesme
    April 11, 2012

    Here here for french toast! Other than that I’ll be spending the remainder of 2012 as I have every other year of my life… hoping France floats out into the middle of the Atlantic and sinks.

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