Trading carrots for chocolate pudding since 2012.
I met one of my best friends during my college days at URI. Mooch, who also now writes for FPL, and I lived it up all 5 years we were there. That’s right I said 5 years! We needed the extra year to study more broads– Instead of studying abroad. We played in a band together. We rented a house together and threw some epic bashes. He even went on to marry my friend Molly that I grew up with. We both love Pearl Jam, drinking cheap beer, and mom jokes.
The one thing that will always be a major divide in our friendship is his love of the Yankees and my love of the Red Sox. The Red Sox vs Yankees rivalry was a major part of our friendship. During our college days the Yankees won a couple World Series and he would rub it in with insults and random jabs using the likes of Mo Rivera or Scott Brosius.
We will always have the A-Rod trade, Roger Clemens, and Johnny Damon to argue about. I remember the first person I called after the Sox came back against the Yankees in 2004. It was a call to Mooch just to make sure he had watched. Just like he had tried to do to me the year before. He was so drunk he forgot I was in Ireland.
Anyways we have always talked trash and as we have got older we get together less and less. Between jobs, families, and the 2 hour distance we get to hang out a a hand full of times a year as opposed to every day like in college. This made us become creative for when we do get to watch the Yanks and Sox. Mooch and I have always made dumb bets like whoever gets more Jeopardy questions right the other has to go to the liquor store and buy the other a 12 pack. Credit Card roulette has also started to come into play when we go out. Lets just say I got kicked in the balls twice the day the Patriots lost to the Ravens in the playoffs. Once by the Pats and the other by Credit Card Roulette!
This leads us to the annual Red Sox and Yankees bet. The quest for the keg! This is the 4th year of said bet and so far the Sox have won 2 years and the Yanks have won 1. The first year we did it, it was simple. The loser had to buy the winner a keg of beer. The second year we started getting more creative and adding insult to in jury. Mooch lost in year 2 and had to wear a Matsuzaka jersey while holding a cup of clam chowder for an hour of the party. Upon request he had to play Dirty Water whenever I wanted and whenever he was asked who the best Shortstop was of all time he had to yell NOMAR!
Last year was my first loss and Mooch won his first keg AND bought a house at the same time. SO for his house warming party I had to wear all Yankees gear including a t-shirt that read “Nothing Sweeter Then Derek Jeter!” I had to be a beer vendor so that when anyone at the party wanted a beer it was my job to fill their cup and also talk Yankees baseball with them. This made me realize that when you win the bet it is extremely sweet, but when you lose it is the ABSOLUTE WORST! This leads us to the stipulations to this years bet. The Red Sox and Yankees rivalry begins again today and may the best team win. By the best team I of course mean the Red Sox!!!
If you can think of any creative additions to our bet please let Mooch and I know and we will add it to the bet!
Without further adieu… 2013’s stipulations!!! (The stipulations had to be agreed to, so that is why AGREED is at the end of most of them.)
Standard Terms & Conditions
1) Red Sox vs Yankees in overall Regular Season Series
2) Ryan – Yankees
3) Dan – Red Sox
4) Winner is awarded a Keg. If Keg is not awarded to the winner within 60 days of determining the winner at a location of his choosing, the winner is then paid $250 by the loser.
5) If series is tied at the end of the season, play-offs will be determined by each opponent dividing up the post-season teams. Whoever has the World Series winning team in the end, wins the bet. Whichever team finishes higher in the AL East standings picks first in post-season team draft. IF they tie in the division, one single coin toss determines who gets first pick.
If Mooch wins, Dan has to do the following:
1) Buy Keg – Agreed
2) Sit in a Dunk Tank for 3 Hours in a Red Sox Wet Suit – Tank and Suit to be Provided by Winner – A wet suit?? Really? They have 3XL wet suits??? – If so I am in…
3) Must comment on “pitchers” who are throwing at the tank in a Susan Waldman voice while they are trying to “dunk” him. If it is a “pitchers” first time throwing then Dan must quote the famous “Oh my gawd!!! Roger Clemens!!” line. – Agreed
4) During the party at anytime, Loser may receive three (3) AJ Burnett style walk-off pies in the face!!! – Agreed.
5) Must Rock the “Nothing is Sweeter than Derek Jeter” shirt when not in tank. – Done.
6) When asked if Andy Petite is a fist ballot Hall of Famer, he must answer “No Doubt, best big game pitcher of our generation. Schilling’s not even in the park Forgetaboutit!!!!” – Agreed
7) Play three rounds of flip cup, but every time he finished a cup he must yell out a Yankee players name, AND only the name, before the next person goes. He must also never repeat a name while playing. If a name is repeated or no name is called, table is flipped Holtman style and opposing flip cup team wins. – Agreed
I am open to coming up with a set location, just now sure who would hold the event. Anywhere but Connecticut!!! Open for debate.
1. Buy Keg
2. Wear a Dustin Pedroia kids jersey for the first half of the party as well as one of those small Red Sox helmets that ice cream come in. When asked what he thinks about Pedroia he must say “WAY BETTER THEN CANO!” – Agreed
3. The day the Red Sox clinch the bet, Ryan must start to grow a mustache. This way the day of the party he can have a mustache and do play by play of the party while wearing a white button down, tie, and head set in honor of Jerry Remy. He will have to say Buenos Noches Amigos to anyone that shows up to the party. When asked he will have to say that Jerry Remy is the greatest color commentator of all time! – Agreed
4. He must pose for picture with a Wally the Green Monster cut out. (I will provide) He will pose with whoever wants their photo taken. He MUST take at least 5 photos with his Iphone and post them to his facebook page with GO SOX! written in his status. – Agreed
5. Ryan must have socks on that have “blood stains on them.” He also has to set up a kickstarter and try to get as many friends to invest in a video game company. He will tell them it is a great idea and never give them their money back. – Agreed
6. Ryan will have to set up a Twitter account and must tweet Dale Arnold, Curt Schilling, and Mike Holtman that Schilling is the best big-game pitcher in history until he gets at least two retweets! – Agreed
7. Any time Ryan does something wrong in Dan’s opinion Ryan must say that he was young, naive, and loosey goosey. – Agreed
The Red Sox vs Yankees rivalry continues!