Trading carrots for chocolate pudding since 2012.
You are about to enter the mind of Yeti Vedder. I want to warn you now that what you are about to read will make you laugh, cry and maybe even pee your pants just a little bit… Here we go!
* I want to smash my cellphone, buy a new one and ask everyone I know for their phone number again, just so I can look myself in the mirror and say, “Still got it.”
* If you are a fan of an Eastern Conference team in the NBA, your team is not winning the championship. The Spurs, Thunder and Lakers will beat ANY Eastern Conference team in a Best-of-7 series!
* Remember how I wrote about how exciting playoff hockey is? I take that back. Playoff hockey is awesome until your team is eliminated. Then it becomes a big bowl of who cares!
* Am I an emotional guy? You bet your ass I am. So what happens when I get mad? Well, it is best expressed in this clip from the movie Footloose. I just smoke a cig, drink a beer, visualize everyone in my life and then dance my ass off!
* If you watched the NFL draft this weekend, you learned one thing. Roger Goodell gives amazing hugs!
* Kanye West is dating Kim Kardashian. You know how celebrity couples have nicknames like Bennifer or Brangelina? Well Kanye and Kim should be known as “The Worst.” Mainly because they are the worst.
* Game of Thrones is the best show on television right now. Every week I think I know what will happen next and every week I am pleasantly surprised! If you haven’t starting watching it, you really are missing out.
* Anyone that thinks Rajon Rondo accidentally bumped that ref is a complete idiot! Rondo is one of the best point guards in the game and can’t afford to make stupid mistakes like that. If I am a Celtics fan, I am nervous they don’t make it out of the first round. They looked very old in game one! Everyone is saying how they need Rondo to win. I think the Celtics need Ray Allen just as bad! The Celts don’t make it very far without Jesus Shuttlesworth!
* I realize that Chicago fans were very fortunate during the Jordan years, but I can’t help but feel bad for Derek Rose and Bulls fans. They were the No. 1 seed and you lose your best player in trash time at the end of the game. Just plain old shitty.
* The Jackson Five are talking about going on tour this summer. Finally all of Tito’s fans will have something to look forward to!
* Is there anything worse then watching a hot girl with no rhythm try and dance sexy? I know there are a lot of worse things, but it is still such a let down.
* I know it is only May… but the Angels have to be a little worried that Albert Pujols has been doing his best Carl Crawford impersonation.
* In weird news… a man is suing BMW, saying that his motorcycle seat gave him a two-year erection. I am not making this up! I wouldn’t sue anyone… I would just brag about it on Facebook. “Day 478 and counting :)” – it would give a whole new meaning to the Facebook poke!
* Speaking of the Facebook poke, was it made just so guys could be extra creepy online?
* Hi Eliza Dushku! I know you are reading this every week, and I just wanted to let you know that Yeti Vedder is thinking of you. Jessica Biel is very jealous of that last sentence.
* Being a very large person has its ups and downs. One positive is that I can change a light bulb in very high areas with ease. One negative is that if someone farts at the bar everyone blames me.
*If you are 12-years old or younger, magicians are really cool. If you are 13-years old or over, magicians are really creepy. Almost as creepy as guys that poke on Facebook.
* Speaking of creepy… this commercial used to scare the crap out of me as a kid. I now know why. If I went home and a dozen, we’ll call them tap-dancing burglars, were in my house singing to me about anything… I wouldn’t have done it anymore.
* Where have you gone Paul Pfeiffer? Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you!