Trading carrots for chocolate pudding since 2012.
Another week of Teen Mom means I again feel much better about ignoring my child in lieu of more important things, like browsing soft-core pornographic websites. I recently caught shit from a female reader for being a day late on my Teen Mom blog. While I certainly welcome criticism, BluCowboy doesn’t take no orders from no women! Suck it Gomes!
This week Catelynn and Tyler are graduating from high school. That it took them both six years to accomplish apparently has no bearing on how proud their parents are. Isn’t high school supposed to be a cake walk at this point. Like, I’m pretty sure the retarded kids, who are kept isolated in their special classes in an attempt to create the illusion that they are of normal intelligence when compared to their peers, graduate within four years. Plus, as mentioned last week, Catelynn still does not have a kid, so other than the fact that she may have Prader Willi Syndrome and can’t stay away from the fridge for more than 5 minutes at a time, their should be no issue here. To celebrate this
incredible good decent achievement Catelynn’s dad and brother fly up from Florida. Catelynn’s brother is introduced and is in a wheel chair. Catelynn explains that he was in a serious car accident, but I’m pretty sure “car accident” is a euphemism for “born addicted to methamphetamine.” It is revealed that Butch is to be released from prison on Monday which is good because the graduation is on Sunday and he will now not be forced to waste his first day on the outs watching his son make a mockery of the American education system.
Maci’s face continues to get worse and I find myself unable to concentrate on anything else on the screen. The pot marks on her face now have their own pot marks and Yahoo! news recently revealed that Tom Cruise will be shooting Prometheus 2 on location on Maci’s forehead. Also, having found out that Ryan has a girlfriend, Maci spends her Saturday night talking to her besties about how great she is and how Kyle is so much better than Ryan because Kyle has way more chromosomes!
Farrah is in exceptional form. First of all, she forces her dad (or step dad, or something) to drive from Omaha to Florida by himself to move all of her shit and then berates him for the remainder of his stay. Realizing that raising a child is so last week, Farrah decides to interview baby sitters to watch Sofia while she takes classes…Speaking of which, doesn’t she want to be a cook? I thought being a cook was like being a stay-at-home-mom…you just kind of figure shit out on the go and aside from making a few meals a day, you really serve no purpose. I watch Hell’s Kitchen every week and without taking a single class I feel like I could make an awesome mushroom risotto while simultaneously chatting on mommy message boards. Anywho…Farrah is interviewing potential babysitters and immediately asks the black applicant if she lives in a bad neighborhood, reminding viewers that you can take the obnoxious bitch out of Omaha but you can’t take Omaha out of the obnoxious bitch. Once again finding herself bored with her child, Farrah decides to go to the pet store to get a fish…and leaves with a puppy.
To no one’s surprise Amber is still in
drug anger rehab, and Gary, being an incredible(y fat) father decides that it will be a good idea to visit Amber with baby in tow. All the world disagrees. I understand that love is blind and shit but if you need a court order to tell you that your daughter, who by the way clearly hates Amber, can see her mother, you should probably take the hint and ditch that witch bitch. During a therapy session Amber tells her social worker that she is cured of her anger issues; on an unrelated note Amber hasn’t been around Gary or her daughter for 30 days.